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Lodge is looking for skilled players to fill following projects slots in our guild:

PvE Raid Core - we successfully filled existing gaps within our Core and are recruiting to complement it with additional "reserves". We looking forward to 2x DDs, 1x Healer, 1x Tank. Read more here for requirements and follow the instructions to join!

PvP Core - Please welcome @HawksHeart as our new PvP General. From this point on, we are looking forward to 1 more PvP General and skilled players to fill our PvP Core.

Roleplaying - Although we managed to recruit half a dozen RP enthusiasts to our RP Initiative, we still have RP Officer position open. If you are an avid RP player with extensive experience in RPing, please join us now! Additional slots for RP players are also available!

Social Players - currently recruiting towards our Social recruitment slots - invitation only by interview. Please contact me in-game (@Glevissig) for it.

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Vargen Saphia

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I get it now, its better not to talk to random danish women at all. If I will open my mouth, I will be automatically transformed into pervert that wants only to harass you, seduce, rape and place your head on a wall as a trophy. Where do you get these ideas? in your sexism awareness groups?  :huh:

 

I can add one more characteristic to danish women – paranoid. :P Now we have: cautious, paranoid and demandable. Superb shield! Where can I get one? I will call it 'Valkyrie Shield'. :D

Oh, great abbreviation 'VS', we can start branding and mass production. :D

 

I teached too and I am familiar with such obstacles, especially with 'rip their heads off' part. :) I will always remember my first group. I was only 23 when I already had 18 yo students. It's damn hard to earn any respect in such environment. It was great experience. :)

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Nuin, Forest God heard my preys yesterday. He consumed evil khajiit. :D

You always get what you deserve. :P

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Omg I didn't look at it like that O_O

Malva completely offended the Forest God and the Forest God ate my internetconnection.

 

I lost connection and it didn't come back, so I decided to play with the rats and get to bed early with a book.

I felt a little bit lost though, which shows how entangled I am in the webs O.o Oh the horror! Spiders will eat me!

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If my rats where Khajiits what would their names be?

I thought of this today, because one rat is always stealing the bananas from the other rats. My rats love bananas and every morning they get a slice each.

So I said to him "You little thief, if you where Khajiit you would be Bregne-dar!"

 

So: (rank listed)

The Elder-rat: Aske-dro

The Alpha-rat: Ri'Storm

The Thief-rat: Bregne-dar

The Smart-rat: Jo-Ulf

The Young-rat: J'Mort

 

I'm so going to also post this in the rat forum :)

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rofl ^^

 

Banana-lovin' Rats ? Almost sound like a rock band :P

 

Why is it slow to download ESO?

Well... Multiple factors possible.

Congestion.

If the downloading and the game run over the same connection server side, QoS

Throttling at your ISP based on protocol.

Bad internet connection (old cable, etc)

Incident at your ISP side or at ESO's side

Bad timing (huge traffic between Europe and USA, for example due to football match)

Bad parameters on PC/modem (a very stupid thing is MTU size... back in the day, people made fortunes selling softwares that were "boosting" your internet speed while all it did in reality was adapt your MTU to your connection's MTU, in a fixed way even for the cheap ones :D )

 

And thats just whats popping to mind...

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1) A skeever, a wolf, and a mudcrab are sitting in a bar after a long day.

The skeever says to the wolf, "Man, I am so tired of getting my butt kicked all day long by even low-level players. They just keep coming at me on the beach and killing me before I can even finish eating any of the ship's wreckage."

The wolf agrees, saying, "I know what you mean, skeever, I'm just chilling in the woods with my family, and adventurers are there all the time, and I have to watch as the slaughter my family every few minutes. It's horrible."

They both turn to the mudcrab, asking if he has been experiencing the same thing.

"No, guys, I've actually been the one slaughtering the adventurers."

"What?!?!", the skeever and the wolf ask, incredulous. "How on Tamriel are you able to do that?"

"Well," says the mudcrab, "I'm a VR7 mudcrab."


 

 

2) An Orc walks into a bar in Cyrodiil with an ugly, one eyed, mangled parrot on his shoulder.

The barkeeper looks up, jumps back, and proclaims, 'God what an ugly thing. Where did you get it?"

The parrot responded, "Orsinium. They are all over the #$% place."

Edited by Serana
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Hahahahahah

Those where good jokes :) I like it the mudcrab took revenge for the other guys in a way.

 

Yes, my rats are my companions ofcourse. If I go somewhere they follow my every step like the companions in game -As long as I stay inside the room they know, only 2 of them dares to put a paw over the threshold to the next room.

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Who is the brave ones? Ri'Storm and Aske-dro? 

You probably have a habit to walk with your head down, not to step on a rat.

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Storm and Bregne are the brave ones. Even though Bregne once got his head stuck between door and frame :/ he still tries to get out. I think he remembers that one time when he and another ratfriend (Frøbid) got out of the cage and into the kitchen where they found the garbage bin and had fun eating all kinds of stuff. 

 

And yes, when they are outside you walk and look at the floor, because they run close to my feet :) Cute eh

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Who is Frøbid? Some scavenger from the nearest dump? Or you do some rat-parties? :)

Turns out, you are not flower-girl, you are rat-lady! :wink2:

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A khajiit takes a cute bosmer girl home from a tavern one night. She says, "Show me it's true what they say about khajiit men." So he stabs her and steals her coin purse.

 

 

 

Sai Sahan left for Valley of the Blades one Fredas noon. But, being Fredas, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend drinking with the boys and spending all the gold pieces saved up for Lyris' birthday present.

When he finally appeared at home, Sundas night, he was confronted by a very angry Nord and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally Titanborn stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Morndas went by and he didn't see his Snow Lily. Tirdas and Middas came and went with the same results. Come Turdas, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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A 3rd grade class came in from recess. The teacher sat them all down and said, "Ok kids! It's time to play a spelling game. I'll ask you to spell a word, and if you get it right, you get a cookie!"

The teacher looks towards Joey, the High Elf child, "Joey, What did you do for recess?"

"I played in the sand box with Mary," Said Joey the high elf.

"Ok Joey, spell 'Box'"

"B. O. X."

"CORRECT! Here's your cookie." The teacher then looks towards Mary, the little Breton girl, "Mary, what did you do for recess?"

"I played with Joey in the sand box," Said Mary the Breton.

"Ok Mary, spell 'Sand'"

"S. A. N. D."

"CORRECT! Here's your cookie." The teacher then looks at Karack, the young... but large orc child, "Karack, what did you do for recess?"

"I tried to play with Joey and Mary in the sand box, but they just threw rocks at me..."

"Oh no Karack, that sounds like racial discrimination... Now spell 'Racial discrimination' - and you get a cookie"

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So this guy meets his friend and says "I've been away a while and not able to play ESO, but I've been really looking forward to patch 1.2.3. Is it as good as they promised?"

The other guy replies," well I've got some good news and some bad news "

" Oh hell, give me the bad news first. "

"well all your abilities have been nerfed, your armour sets have been broken, lag is worse than ever, lootables are full of junk weapons that serve no purpose and there a whole massive list of other bugs that I'm not even going to get started on"

"Oh no! This sounds like a total disaster. You'd better give me the good news. "

"The good news is, you can have my stuff."

 

 

An Orc was standing in the woods, wondering why an arrow seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. And then it hit him.

 

A Khajit, An Argonian, and a Breton are maroon on a desert isle, after search the isle they come across an statue of Azura.

The statue says "You can each have one Wish"

The Breton says "I want to go home to High Rock, and see my family", poof he disappears in a puff of blue smoke, and presumably reappears in High Rock.

The Argonian says "I want to go to my Uncles place in Riften, and be able to swim in the lake there", poof he dissappears in another cloud of blue smoke.

The Khajit scratches his head and says "this one finds this too hard, I wish my two friends were back here to help me decide",.....

 

 

 

What do you get for killing a Khajiit in Eastmarch?
Answer: More experience, and your stuff back.

 

 

Two wolves and a bear are talking in the woods outside of an Altmer city. One wolf says, "I wonder what it's like in the city there. Every time we get close, the guards or some adventurer attacks us."

"Oh, it's wonderful," says the bear, "full of beautiful buildings and some great artwork."

The wolves are stunned. "How did you get in to see the city?"

"Oh, it's easy for me," responded the bear. "I just stand on my back legs, tell the guard I'm a Nord, and he will point me towards the nearest tavern."

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Hehe good jokes. Do you come up with them yourself?

I heard on the radio that the joke is dying out, maybe it will continue to have a life in MMO's...

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Not al all. I just copy and paste from official forum. Not even those writing them there are original authors but usually just adapted older jokes to ESO lore.

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Reminds me of that scene in Men In Black, where they test the applicants, and Will Smith shoots the little girl walking down the street with a pile of books :P

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There is a poll on official forum in which I think you might be interested.
 
"Would you like to see boobies in ESO?"
Click on spoiler ONLY if voted yes.
 

 

Edited by Serana

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Its actually NASA's Kennedy Flight Centre. You can see NASA logo in the backgroud.

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